How to Save Your Marriage in 3 Hours

How To Save Your Marriage In 3 Hours

Saving your marriage doesn’t require long-term treatment

What brought you here were tiny fissures in your relationship that gradually spread into cracks. They formed so subtly, grew so slowly that they were almost imperceptible. But they’re obvious now. You haven’t had a comfortable conversation in weeks, haven’t had sex in months.

Nothing, however, says that the road to recovery needs to be as long and winding. As a professional marriage counselor with over 11 years in private practice, Angela Winslow has developed a concentrated form of therapy she calls One-Session Counseling, or a Couples Intensive, in which the treatment unfolds over a single, three-hour session, rather than multiple, weekly meetings. One-Session Counseling is not an abbreviated version of the conventional marriage-counseling model. Because of its duration, it can be even more comprehensive in its examination and analysis, yielding, in turn, more dramatic shifts in behavior.

Virtually every conceivable issue a couple could encounter—building trust after an affair, increasing intimacy in a relationship, even coping with a separation or a divorce—is appropriate for One-Session Counseling. Urgency has a way of distilling concerns, however deeply rooted. You’ll confront them head-on and emerge, three hours later, armed with the necessary tools to continue restoring your relationship.

One-Session Counseling isn’t reserved for marriages in dire straits. It’s also a convenient option for couples who’ve become strangers to each other. Life can be relentless, and all too often we’re willing to sacrifice the personal connections in the name of the immediate tasks because they’re easier to cope with. But the excuses we tell ourselves lose their validity in light of a single, three-hour commitment.

Regardless of your reasons and the intricacy of your concerns, consider One-Session Counseling. Rather, consider who you’ll be when you exit that room, the frustration and insecurity left behind.

About Author: Angela Winslow specializes in marriage counseling and couples therapy in San Diego. Affairs, infidelity, communication skills, sex therapy and parenting are areas of expertise. 619-327-9791

How To Take Your New Start-Up Business Concept To Success

Many entrepreneurs are thinking outside of the proverbial box when it comes to launching new businesses. They see just how the cards are stacked against them, and they don’t want to invest all of their capital without a definitive proof of concept. After the recent recession, entrepreneurs are even more hesitant to launch full-scale operations in such an uncertain economy. While this creates many challenges, it has also created an environment of possibility From pop-up storefronts to mobile trucks, new businesses are redefining the concept of a start-up, and enriching our communities through their efforts.

What sets these creative start-ups apart are their innovative approaches to traditional business models. They focus on small-scale quality, brand building, and individuality. Likewise, they utilize the latest technologies, like social media marketing and mobile phone credit card processing. For example, rather than immediately risking opening a restaurant, many chefs look to food trucks in order to build both a following and financial stability. Likewise, crafters open web-based businesses instead of taking the chance on a retail storefront. At AVPS, we believe that these micro start-ups deserve the best tools that will set them up for success, including our secure mobile credit card processing services.

Whether you are working from home, out of your garage, or you’ve upgraded to a local presence in your community, we have the solutions you need for effortless payment processing.

AVPS believes that it’s those innovative visionaries that drive our economic growth. We well know that today’s most lauded and successful corporations started with a single individual who had both an idea and a belief. We also know that the advent of mobile processing opens even more doors for savvy entrepreneurs. We want to help you grow your great idea from conception to brilliantly successful reality. Contact a representative today to find out more about how AVPS helps creative start-ups go from dreams to thriving businesses.

Create a Work-Life Balance with Your Partner

Few working couples have the luxury of time.

When you’re both gone all day, dinner doesn’t magically appear on the table. Nor does laundry appear, clean and folded, in your dresser drawers. It’s the double burden of work at the office and work at home that stresses relationships to the limit. Yes, you can share the household chores as equitably as possible. But what else can you do?

Give Your Partner a Heads-Up

When you know you’re going to be overloaded at the office, let your partner know in advance. Some couples have regular meetings so they can plan ahead. If you know your partner won’t be home for dinner you can plan a dinner with friends. And be sure to set aside a specific time to be with your partner. Do not let your workweek overflow so much that it infringes on your quality time together.

Establish a No-Tech Time

It may be that you bring work home often. Possibly every night. You may need to be ready to text, e-mail or phone virtually 24/7. If so, it’s critical to establish a regular time every night when you turn off iPads, smart phones and computers—say from 7:00 to 9:00, or whatever you decide. Establish a no-tech time that you can adhere to without fail, for your own sanity, if nothing else. And let your partner know that this is a time when you are available and tech-free. He will appreciate being able to plan to share that time with you.

Even the Playing Field

One of you is bound to be more committed to your career than the other. And that one is bound to spend more time in the office than the other. Be sensitive to the fact that if you are the one who always stays late, that can leave your partner feeling second best. Even when you both have the mature attitude that your career is important, be flexible enough to put your partner first when possible. Nobody’s workdays are always insanely busy. Try to break the habit of staying late when it’s not necessary.

Don’t Hog the Drama

Are you the one who comes home, drops your coat and bags, and launches into a diatribe with barely a breath between words? Be careful not to unload so much on your partner that you worry her about something she can’t do anything about. Venting is okay, but not as a steady diet. And don’t forget to ask her how her day was. Be respectful if he’s too tired after his day to go out to dinner or even engage in a good conversation. Take a little time out to decompress first.

Re-Calibrate Together

Yes, do make plans and establish routines, but always be ready for change. Recognize that stuff happens and you need to be flexible. Especially if you discover that what seemed reasonable in a family meeting is actually impossible in practice. Get together with your partner and work out a more realistic plan.

About Author: Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional. If you need safe, effective counseling services, please get in touch. You can reach her here: http://www.nancyscounselingcorner.com/contact-us.

Rules to Host By

ENTERTAINING

Somewhere along the way, the dinner party got away from us. Time’s come to reel it back in and appreciate it for what it is: a safe harbor in a chaotic world.

No one remembers the table setting—or the food, for that matter—after a couple of cocktails.

 

The dinner party is a deceptively simple affair: friends, drinks, dinner and dessert. Really, that’s all there is to it. Yet, we consistently overthink it, ruining our evening and, usually, our guests’. Why? Because deep down, we want to impress our friends, even the lifelong ones who love us unconditionally. Sometime during the course of the planning, we lose our bearings and start to think that they’re expecting signature cocktails and elaborate, exotic meals. The reality is, they just want to spend a few hours together. We’re all so busy anymore; simply sharing time has become the most intimate affirmation of a friendship.

That said, don’t throw a few almond butter-and-pomegranate jam sandwiches on a platter and call it a night. This isn’t lunch, and we’re not six. To help us strike a balance between afterthought and overkill, we tapped our friend Jack Staub, who, as a founder of the Hortulus Farm Foundation and a friend to many, has hosted more parties at his Wrightstown estate than he could ever hope to remember. Here, his four rules for pulling off the perfect dinner party.

It’s not about the food
It’s about the ease with which you greet and eat. Buy some steamed lobsters, toss together a salad from the garden and throw in a loaf of garlic bread. I’ve even picked up a bake-at-home thin-crust pizza with some seasonal toppings on a few occasions. Finish up with a bowl of fresh cherries or peaches and an excellent cheese or a store-bought pie and ice cream. The point is: Keep it fresh, delicious and, above all, simple so that you (and your guests) can concentrate on having a good time.

Have it all done beforehand
No one wants to see you stressing in the kitchen. This time of year especially, room-temperature meals are your savior. Roast a pork loin. Poach some salmon filets or chicken breasts. Or grill a steak. Serve the pork with a mango salsa and the chicken, salmon and steak with a homemade green sauce. Roast some asparagus. Make a potato, pasta or tabbouleh salad. Set them out on a buffet and cover with plastic wrap. Relax, unwrap and enjoy.

Know what your friends drink
I’m a huge champion of the full bar. Enough of this, “May I pour you a glass of a very insouciant chardonnay?” stuff. Certainly, have a serviceable white, red and even a rosé on hand, as well as some beer. But don’t neglect the five basic liquor groups: vodka, gin, scotch, bourbon and rum. Make sure you’re stocked up on tonic, seltzer and cranberry and orange juice, too. And lemons and limes. Or, did someone say margarita night?

Spread the love
Yes, people need to eat. But in this chaotic, nonsensical world, what people need most is to connect with something comforting and sustaining. Laugh a lot. Hug as much as you can. The most important thing is to gather your friends about you and give them a space and few moments of genuine calm, security and affection. The miracle is that those are the very things that will sustain you, too.

My Essentials

TRENDING

What ESTATE Boutique owner Brittany McGinley will be wearing this fall.
Photography by Matthew J. Rhein

 

As a mother of twin two-year-old boys and the owner of an even younger clothing shop, Brittany McGinley lives by a code: efficiency. She even has a formula for her wardrobe: one part seasonal stuff + one part staples + one part statement pieces. The seasonal component keeps her on point with the trends. The statement component’s treated as an accent, which limits wear and tear on the clothing (and her wallet). And the staples act as the canvas for it all.

Aide from being pragmatic, McGinley also knows her textiles and tailoring. She opened ESTATE Boutique in January in the same Doylestown building where she worked as a teenager at Sew Smart Fabrics, becoming deeply familiar with the minutiae of fashion design. Her inventory reflects an insider’s knowledge of craftsmanship, veering between the icons—Helmut Lang, Diane von Furstenberg, J. Lindeberg—and the emerging talent—Ulla Johnson, Smythe, Spr Wmn, IRO. It’s a rare cross-section. But, then, one-stop shopping is the only kind that works for McGinley.

Here, she shares her fall essentials—because she already had them figured out in July.

Jewelry by kismet by milka + Ilsa
Loves Rick
Like a lot of women, I love to layer my jewelry, like, say, a higher-end necklace from kismet by milka with another by the small-batch, Bucks-based collection Ilsa Loves Rick.

Maybelline Instant Age Rewind Concealer and Foundation
My ultimate drugstore makeup finds. Built-in
applicators plus sunscreen (with the foundation) for under 20 bucks.

The Crossings 2014 Sauvignon Blanc
I’m actually a New Zealand citizen. My dad’s a Kiwi. We spent three weeks touring the country by RV a few years ago, and The Crossings was one of my favorite vineyards we hit along the way.

botkier Crossbody + Torregrossa Ridge bags
For everyday use, the smaller Torregrossa bag is my go-to. When I need to be more pulled together, I coordinate the larger botkier bag with my outfit and use the Ridge as my wallet. Both are cross-body bags, which is critical when you’re constantly juggling two-year-olds.

Milly Italian Cady Trapunto Tie-Waist Trousers
The high-waist silhouette is going to explode this fall, which is great news because it’s not only flattering, it’s also a very comfortable fit.

 

Seda France Candles (Malaysian Bamboo and Japanese Quince)
+ Satya Sai Baba Incense (Nag Champa)
I need to be surrounded by candles or incense. Seda France candles burn for days on end.

 

 

Burning Torch Flight Jacket
I love anything that’s beautiful and functional, and this reversible jacket is that. The outer shell features this Japanese-inspired embroidery, while the inner shell’s clean olive satin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The clothing and accessories featured here are available at ESTATE Boutique.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Beyond Burgers

LOCALLY SOURCED

Pick up your lagging grill game with these under-appreciated cuts.

The bacon-looking cuts, pictured alongside the pork shoulder, are the kalbi.

 

We’re all well aware of how long your burger recipe was under development before you finally branded it your own. And, yes, your chicken breasts are impressively moist, the cross-hatching on your T-bones, a masterful display. But it’s all starting to feel a bit stale. When you grill almost year-round and your wheelhouse consists of a few different things, it’s inevitable. Longevity comes from being bold enough to constantly reinvent yourself. Now’s not the time to hide behind a little bit of success. Or your smoking grill. (We can still see you.)

To spare you from the need to humble yourself, we asked Damon Menapace to show us the way through the dog days ahead. Damon’s the executive chef at Kensington Quarters, the Frankford Avenue restaurant that’s developed a stout reputation for knowing how to handle meat. Case in point, KQ has its own butcher shop, which Damon also took on earlier this summer.

Here, he offers up a few under-appreciated cuts that cook up especially well on the grill. (All, BTW, are available at the KQ butcher shop.)

Kalbi Short Ribs
Also known as galbi, these Korean barbeque-style steaks are cut thinly across the bone, so they’ll grill up fast. “Nobody wants to braise a big, square-cut short rib in the summer,” Damon says. Marinate them beforehand. They’ll come out tender, juicy and concentrated with flavor.

Country-style Pork Ribs
The name is misleading. These aren’t actually ribs. They’re bone-in slices of pork shoulder that are cut to resemble the barbeque favorite. They cook similarly, too. Think of them as a cross between pulled pork and ribs. Damon says, “Cook ‘em low and slow and with plenty of smoke.”

Chuck Eye Steak
“The poor man’s rib eye,” as he calls it, is taken from farther up the shoulder. “Most people hear the word ‘chuck’ and think it’ll be tough,” Damon says, “but this lovely little steak is tender, fatty and super-rich.”

Lamb Shoulder Chops
Sliced with a band saw across the bone, these inch-thick chops are an affordable alternative to the more widely-known lollipops, and they’re packed with way more meat and flavor. “Throw them on the grill with a little baste,” Menapace advises. “They can be chewy, but it’s fun to get messy ripping into them. This is summertime grilling, after all.”  —Mike Madaio

Photo by Matthew J. Rhein

What Does Workers Compensation Insurance Cover

Have you ever fallen ill at work and needed to take time off as a result? Have you ever suffered an injury while you were working? Many have and don’t realize that they’re entitled to workers compensation. It’s important to know your rights when something goes wrong. Let’s take a look at the basics of workers compensation insurance, what it is and who is covered.

What Exactly is Workers Compensation Insurance?

Workers comp is a type of insurance payment, which is issued to employees who become ill due to their work or get injured while they are on the job. Different payment terms may be stipulated in different circumstances. Some of these include:

  • Regular payments (weekly or monthly) to cover your loss of income while you are unable to work.
  • One, lump-sum payment in cases where the employee was left with a personal disability.
  • The costs of medical care.
  • Rehabilitation expenses to allow the individual to get back to work.

What Does Workers Compensation Insurance Cover?

This type of insurance is known as “no-fault cover,” which means that the cover applies no matter which party is at fault. Workers comp aims to cover both the employer and the employee should an injury occur on the job. If this happens, then the employer is legally required to pay out compensation to the employee. The workers compensation insurance also provides protection for the employer against costly claims for compensation.

These insurance policies are designed in such a way that they don’t just cover the one who is entitled to the work comp claim but also the legal fees and damages which are awarded to the injured or sick employee.

Who is covered?

All of the employees at the company are covered, regardless of whether they are full-time, part-time or casual workers. Contractors and sub-contractors are also covered, as are task workers and any workers on commission.

About the author:  If something has happened to you at work and you think you are entitled to a claim, get in touch with Peter Green Insurance today. Our experienced team will be able to tell you what your next step should be.

5 Habits of a Highly Effective Wife-Mother-Entrepreneur-Do-Gooder

ORGANIZED HOME

She’s way too modest to say so herself, but there isn’t anything our resident organizer, Laurie Palau, can’t do. While the rest of us here only ever seem to add to our to-do lists and plead for extensions, Laurie’s turning her columns in a month ahead of deadline. (That’s no exaggeration.) Tired of looking so pathetic by comparison, we finally asked how she does it. This is her reply.

By Laurie Palau

 

I get it. Trust me. Between two busy teens and a pair of working parents, our front door is a revolving door. It occurred to me long before we ever reached this point that if I didn’t structure my life around some hard habits, my life was going to jump the rails, and fast. This is what I came up with. I’m proud to say I’ve remained true to them, and, in turn, they’ve never done me wrong.

 

  1. Meditate

Regardless of what time it means I have to get up, I always set my alarm for 30 minutes earlier than I need to be up. That half-hour is mine, and mine alone. The house is quiet, the coffee is hot. Amid that peace, I do the following: I review my tasks for the day, which keeps me from feeling frazzled later on; I read a daily devotional, which motivates me and reminds me of the bigger picture; and I peruse social media, which reminds me of the smaller picture. If I don’t have another moment to myself for the rest of the day, I’m OK with it, because I have my half-hour to look forward to tomorrow.

 

  1. Volunteer

Truth be told, I’m overextended a lot of the time. But I never regret volunteering. It fills me with a satisfaction and gratefulness unlike anything else I do. Find a cause that means something to you, and offer your help. It doesn’t need to be an all-consuming commitment to count. If you’ve only got a couple of hours a month, that’s not nothing. And you’ll be shocked to see how totally disproportionate your impact is.

 

  1. Delegate

Since they were old enough to understand the words that were coming out of my mouth, I’ve tried to instill in our kids that our family is a team; we’re only viable if everyone contributes. Me shouldering the bulk of the load—cooking, laundering, unloading the dishwasher, cleaning, walking the dogs—is not sustainable. Plus, I’m pretty sure they’d never move out if I did. Assign a few small, age-appropriate chores and build from there. They won’t be done to your specs, but you’ll be a happier person for it.

 

  1. Divide and Conquer

There’s very little that’s more defeating than confronting a run-on to-do list first thing in the morning. Where to begin? Why begin at all? My way around that is crafting multiple (short) to-do lists on Wunderlist. I have one for work, another for family and a third for volunteering. Each day, I pick three to five things that I want to accomplish—in total, not from each list. Having three lists going at once helps me prioritize and feel like I’m actually getting things done—because I am.

 

  1. Unplug

The same way I dedicate a half-hour every morning to easing into my day, I shutdown all of my devices a half-hour before I go to bed. Maybe not every device. I still watch TV. The idea is to disengage and start separating myself from the day. If I put my iPad down and tried to fall asleep right away, it’s not going to happen. Even if I was scrolling through something totally unrelated, my mind’s going to want to rehash the day or start prepping for tomorrow. By contrast, once I get comfortable, it sets off a gradual chain reaction in me. Next stop: Sleepy Town.

 

Despite whatever they’re going to say about me, I’m no Wonder Woman. I’m not immune to stress. I get overwhelmed. I lose my patience. There are too many days when I don’t get everything done that I need to. But that doesn’t mean that I’m going to give in to any of that. I’ve learned to cope with it. Tomorrow, I’ll savor my coffee and take another run at the world.

 

Laurie Palau is the owner of the New Hope-based simply B organized, a home and life organization service.

Weeds of Change

DIY

At the forefront of the wild food movement, lawyer turned forager Tama Matsuoka Wong is turning weeds into a thriving business and a way of life.

By Jessica Downey • Photography by Josh DeHonney

 

Tama Matsuoka Wong was an international financial services lawyer for decades, working in major urban centers like New York City and Hong Kong for 25 years, but when she and her husband Wil decided to move to New Jersey in 2002, near where she grew up in Princeton, Wong was prepared for her life to change course. She wanted lots of land and big sky, so they bought a house on 28 acres in Flemington.

 

With all that open space, for first time in her adult life, Wong tried to grow a vegetable garden. What she got instead was a tangle of uninvited weeds and roots, which ended up being her ultimate good fortune. “Friends tried to show us how to grow tomatoes and vegetables, and everything died. I had a black thumb. We eventually found out we lived on a clay flood plain and all we could grow was weeds,” Wong says. “I tried to get rid of them, but I found that it was a losing battle.”

 

When she enlisted her Japanese father for help removing the weeds, she was surprised at his reaction—he couldn’t believe her luck. One of the weeds she wanted removed was chickweed, one of Japan’s “seven treasures,” known as hakobera, which can be delicious when prepared properly. Wong started scouring the Web and bookstores for recipes, but most books and blogs she found suggested boiling them three times to get out the bitterness, so she went in search of a more refined understanding.

 

One night, in 2009, she brought some of her chickweed and other “twigs” with her to Daniel, the four-star Michelin-rated restaurant in New York City known for its inventive vegetarian cuisine. The head chef, Eddy Leroux, was delighted by her offerings and asked her to return with more, as well as roots and any other wild plants she found on her land.

 

These weeds were valuable, she soon learned, a discovery that coincided with the early days of the foraging movement, which was quickly gaining speed and momentum. These kinds of ingredients were gaining prominence on the menus of fine dining restaurants from New York to Copenhagen, and her 28 acres of twigs, roots and leaves provided her with an opportunity to be on the forefront. Later in 2009, Wong started her own company, Meadows and More, with the primary goal of helping people turn their yards into more natural landscapes.

 

While the concept of foraging brings to mind images of scavengers or anthropological ancestors scouring the earth for food, a more culinary interpretation has led to a movement described by the iconic chef and restaurateur Daniel Boulud as “harvesting the wild, ephemeral and rare flavors found in nature.” The movement has blossomed around the idea that we’ve been selecting plants for many generations that are increasingly high in sugar and starch and consistently lower in vitamins, fiber and minerals. Wild foods, foragers contend, are more nutritious and easy enough to find when you know what to look for.

 

A quick Google search will turn up plenty of resources and food blogs with ideas on cooking with foraged and wild foods, but when Wong made her discovery in 2009, books and sites to turn to for inspiration and advice were sparse.

 

“Publishers were looking for an American book,” Wong says. She obliged by writing a field guide/cookbook with Daniel’s Leroux called Foraged Flavor: Finding Fabulous Ingredients in Your Backyard or Farmer’s Market, which was published in 2012.

 

The book garnered plenty of attention and was nominated for a James Beard Award in 2013, which, of course, was a boost for her budding business. Today, she grows and cultivates weeds and wild plants on her land and land she leases from local farmers. Then she partners with restaurateurs and chefs, including Brick Farm Tavern partner/executive chef Greg Vassos, supplying them with the likes of garlic mustard and nettles and helping them develop flavor profiles for each plant.

 

It takes consistent trial and error to figure out what will grow, sell and taste good, but Wong says the experimental nature of her work is a thrill. “For every failure there’s this new and good thing happening,” Wong says. “I have relationships with conservation groups where I take things they don’t want, and I work with organic farmers. And it’s completely invigorating.”

 

[divider]Walk on the Wild Side— But Watch Where You Step[/divider]

If eating your weeds is more tempting than constantly battling them in your garden,  Wong offers some advice on how to start foraging. —JD

 

Look down. If you have a backyard or a vegetable garden, instead of throwing out something you don’t recognize or didn’t plant, take a closer look and try to appreciate it. I have a forum on my Web site (meadowsandmore.com) that lets you upload a picture, and we’ll identify it for you.

 

Start small. Try something you’re already familiar with, like a dandelion, and be patient.  Find out when its tenderness and sweetness peak. (Those initial leaves can be bitter and harsh.)

 

Get to know it. Engage with the plant and get to know it—it’s behavior and what you can do with it.

 

Don’t rule anything out. I came across some hickory bark. It looked like a house shingle, and I was like, Oh, great, bark. But to my surprise, my client came back and said it was amazing. He used it in shag bark/hickory bark ice cream, which tasted like smoky caramel.

Tips for Law Students Interested In A Commercial Or Business Specialty

As an established attorney in the arena of commercial business law, Paul Evan Greenwald has worked with people at every stage of their law careers. He knows that when students first enter law school, they have many preconceptions of what their areas of specialty will be, which is why practical experience like internships are so important. As with many professions, the daily life of a lawyer is rarely what students envision, and as they gain more hands-on experience, they are better able to see the many opportunities their futures contain.

If you’re working toward to law degree, here’s some advice from a veteran of a successful commercial law practice:

  • First and foremost, take every opportunity to clerk or intern you can. When you actually see the inner-workings of a specialty in practice, you learn even more about yourself and the type of environment in which you will thrive.
  • Remember that 99 percent of practicing law occurs outside of the courtroom, which is why real-life experience can better help you understand how you want to build your career. For example, commercial law issues are just as often about deal-making as deal-breaking. We often see legal processes as inherently adversarial, but in commercial law, many of the cases are collaborative. Paul Greenwald particularly enjoys these types of cases, because their constructive goals encourage positive relationships.
  • Continuing education is not just about maintaining your license requirements; you will need carefully selected options that further your knowledge-base. For example, changes and advances in technology directly affect business law affairs, so you will need to stay abreast of them to best serve your clients.
  • Building a successful, trusted practice is as much about your community image as it is about performance. You want to build relationships with colleagues, network, and create a brand that represents competency and trust.

About Author: As a successful commercial law attorney in California, Paul Greenwald is passionate about sharing his experiences with students and graduates. He believes that the future leaders of our profession will continue to serve our community and carry on the legacy of excellence.