Getting Married But Worrying How To Avoid Divorce

Are You Getting Married But Worrying How To Avoid Divorce

Believe It Or Not: Planning a Wedding Can Be a Lonely Time

The summer is wedding season. If you’re not attending one over the next few weekends, you’re probably planning one of your own. With so much ceremony and meaning packed into those 24 hours, weddings have a way of intensifying emotions—love and gratitude, naturally, but also anxiety, frustration and even fear. Faced with the growing awareness that you’re about to pledge a lifelong commitment to your partner, seemingly innocuous concerns suddenly begin to metastasize. Long-repressed traumatic episodes creep back toward the edges of your consciousness. In the run up to what should feel like one of the happiest days of your life, it can feel like you’re beginning to unravel.

No relationship is without its flaws and imbalances, and you’re going to feel them more keenly at certain times than at others. That said, you shouldn’t simply take a deep breath and shrug them off, especially if you’re sitting there on the eve of your wedding day worrying about how to avoid divorce.

Couples therapy can refresh your perspective by identifying each partner’s role within the unhealthy patterns that are gradually undermining your relationship. If you’re new to it, here’s a basic idea of what to expect in couples counseling. We’ll create a safe place in which you and your partner can begin expressing your feelings honestly and without fear of reproach. It’s in those vulnerable but protected moments that we’ll develop a better understanding of your partner’s perspective and, together, trace your concerns to their root. From there, we’ll rebuild your relationship by practicing new communication skills that’ll fortify your bond as a couple without sacrificing your individual identities.

Those concerns that are gnawing at you now, if left unacknowledged and untended to, are likely to only weigh heavier on you with exchange of vows and the passage of time. Trust problems in a relationship, for one, will eventually undermine your every thought and action. Intimacy will fade. Arguments will increase. The weight of the moment may be compounding your concerns, but they are valid. And you’re not alone.

Author: Angela Winslow specializes in marriage counseling and couples therapy in San Diego. Affairs, infidelity, communication skills, sex therapy and parenting are areas of expertise.

A Basic Guide To Medicare Supplemental Insurance

What You Need To Know About Medicare Medigap Insurance

Medicare, on average, covered a little less than half of its enrollees’ health care costs, according to the most recent figures available. Thus, the need for a supplemental insurance policy, or Medigap coverage, as its known.

Medigap policies are sold by private insurance companies such as ours. They can help pay some of the health care costs that Medicare doesn’t cover, like copayments, coinsurance and deductibles. Some policies will also cover select services that Medicare won’t, including health care when you travel abroad. But Medigap does not cover long-term care, vision or dental care, hearing aids, eyeglasses or private nurses.

There are 10 standard Medigap policies, each of them named after a letter from the alphabet. Medigap A is considered the most basic policy. It extends complete coverage for Medicare Part A coinsurance and hospital costs, Medicare Part B coinsurance or copayments and Part A hospice care coinsurance or copayment.

There is no difference between Medigap policies among insurers. The plans’ details are dictated by the federal and state governments. The only difference is in the providers, which vary from insurer to insurer. To quickly and easily reference provider directories for each of the Medigap insurers visit our Doctor and Hospital Finder.

Once you’re enrolled, you pay us a monthly premium for your Medigap policy in addition to the monthly Part B premium that you pay to Medicare. (You must have Medicare Part A and Part B to register for Medigap coverage. If you receive benefits under the Medicare Advantage Plan, you need to end your coverage before your Medigap policy takes effect.) And any standardized Medigap policy is guaranteed to be renewed, regardless of any health issues, as long as the premium is paid according to schedule.

Medigap policies are only available to individuals, so you and your spouse will need to enroll separately.

For a free evaluation of which Medigap policy is the best fit for you, contact California Insurance Finder specializes in finding affordable medical health plans in California

Get in Touch With Your Man’s Feelings

You want to understand how the man in your life is feeling—but, oh wait! Men don’t have feelings. Or do they? Just because they don’t show their feelings, doesn’t mean they’re not there. But many men have been taught to suck it up, muscle through, never cry. So they learn, sometimes too well, not to express their feelings. In fact, they may even repress their feelings to the point that they might believe the myth themselves.

 

Making Feelings Socially Acceptable

Since men are taught not to show feelings, especially those feelings associated with women, they have to find something to do with their emotions. They have to find a way to channel those feelings into something more socially acceptable. And in our society, feeling hurt, vulnerable, betrayed and sad are things women typically feel. And women aren’t afraid to share.

But when was the last time you heard a man say, “You hurt me,” or “I’m feeling vulnerable.” Instead of expressing their true emotions, many men convert them to something they consider more manly, like anger or rage or pride. And since these aren’t really representative of how they feel, men can leave others scratching their heads, wondering why the guy’s so mad.

Finding Affection at the Baseball Field

Since affection may seem like another feminine emotion, how can men express it? Some find the baseball field or the hockey rink or the basketball court a safe outlet for their ebullience. I have a friend who calls his grown sons while watching football on television. It’s his touchstone to his children and a way for him to show affection while remaining within the parameters of an “acceptable” expression of love.

Go to any sports event and you’ll see a virtual outpouring of affection—sometimes intense—when the home team is doing well. Hugs and chest bumps. The players themselves give each other a pat on the butt. Sometimes even with a little tenderness. The sports arena is where they can express their love openly. So the feelings do exist. They’ve just been designated to certain times and places.

Being Wary of Emotional Expression

Many women encourage their men to talk openly about their feelings, which can lead to a more intimate relationship. And that is a wonderful thing. The trouble is, if a man is too effusive, it can be off-putting. Men who have spent their lives keeping their emotions under wraps might finally discover that when feelings do emerge—sometimes at the most inappropriate times—they explode.

And men have learned that those men who deviate from society’s dictates can be judged as unstable. So who can blame them for keeping their emotions to themselves? After spending a lifetime of control, they cannot suddenly be expected to share their most intimate thoughts. So have patience if you’re trying to understand how your man feels.

Nancy Travers is an Orange County Counseling professional. If you need safe, effective counseling services, please get in touch. You can reach her here: http://www.nancyscounselingcorner.com/contact-us.

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The Tomato Whisperer

DIY

A perfect day for Tim Mountz is eating tomatoes in his fields from dawn to dusk. Obsessive? Maybe. But, imagine yourself in his shoes on that day. Maybe not.

By Mike Madaio

Of all the fruits of summer, the tomato may be the one I covet most. Lettuce, peppers and beans, welcome sight as they are, come on so strong. Same with the berries. It can be smothering. But the tomato plays hard to get. While I gather another armful of cucumbers to haul back to the kitchen, the tomato, still Hulk-green after a summer’s worth of sunbathing, refuses to bend to my will. Until right about now. Even then, that first ripe tomato always comes as a surprise.

All of that comes from a couple of modest plants. Imagine the depth of Tim Mountz’s fixation. He’s growing over 400 kinds this summer. For the last eight years, Mountz and his wife, Amy Bloom, have been selling heirloom seeds, produce and, more recently, scratch-made sauces from that produce at a handful of markets and online as the Kennett Square-based brand Happy Cat Farm. But, tomatoes, obviously, are his first love. Second. Second love. Amy, of course, is his first. Probably.

“The perfect day for me,” Mountz says with a light laugh, “is when I lay down in bed at night and realize that breakfast, lunch and dinner were tomatoes in the field. That’s it.

“I was working with Tim Stark out at Eckerton Hill Farm,” he says. “I had never bitten into a tomato like an apple before. But one afternoon, I had a Jefferson Airplane-like, out-of-body experience. It might have been from sunstroke or something, but it was transcendent. From that point on, I started eating every tomato I could get my hands on.”

Whether cherry-picking from a farm stand or nursing them from your own backyard plot, heed Mountz’s advice on when the time is finally right: “A tomato has to have a little give, some movement to the flesh, so you know there’s juice in there. And full color. Unless it’s a green variety, it shouldn’t have any green. Lastly, fragrance: Much of the tomato’s aroma comes from the vine itself, but the fruit has a definite fragrance.”

Now, for what to do with those lush prizes, keep reading.

Summer’s Darling

A tomato salad is the epitome of summertime eating: simple preparation, complex taste. That line savvy chefs deliver whenever prompted about letting quality ingredients express themselves? It’s because seasonal fruits and veg at the height of their harvest, like tomatoes are right now, are akin to snowflakes—no two taste the same. All that nuance concentrated in just a few bites is the essence of summer: potent humidity, parched earth, a simmering sun and a soul-affirming oomph as it all comes together on the back of your tongue.

Recipe by Yelena Strokin

Heirloom Tomato and Beet Salad

Serves two.

3 sweet heirloom tomatoes (vary the sizes and colors)

1 small red onion, thinly sliced

1-2 small beets, cooked, peeled and sliced

2 tbsps. feta

Fresh basil

Fresh mint

Olive oil to taste

Lemon juice to taste

2 cloves garlic (optional)

Sea salt and freshly ground pepper to taste

Halve the small tomatoes and cut the large ones into thick slices. Then, layer them on a platter, mixing the different shapes and colors in a way that looks as good as it’ll taste.

Tuck in the beets and onions, then the basil and mint. Sprinkle the feta over the entire salad. Season with salt, pepper and garlic to taste. Drizzle with the olive oil and lemon juice, and serve immediately, preferably with a baguette to sop up that beautiful medley of juices that’ll be waiting at the bottom of the dish.

Yelena Strokin is a Newtown-based food stylist and photographer and the founder of the blog Cooking Melangery.

Photos by (Tim Mountz) Matthew J. Rhein and (Heirloom Tomato and Beet Salad) Yelena Strokin

Clear Eyes, Full Heart, Can’t Lose

SCAVENGING

The art of discovery at a flea market is more about an open mind and sentimentality than it is resale values.

By Susan Forker

 

Much of the allure of the flea market for me is the potential. I draw a lot of inspiration digging through the forgotten bits and bobs piled in dusty heaps and buried in bulging boxes. I never know what I’ll find, but I’ve come to trust that I’ll find something—materials and props for my jewelry, fuel for my imagination. Here’s a sampling of some of what’s made its way home with me recently.

 

A study in artificiality

I’ve made no secret of my adoration of vernacular or found photography. Lately, I’ve been drawn to old images of pairs of people. It’s something about the dynamic—the strained admiration between sisters, the hidden tension among lovers. The story simmering behind the façade’s been preserved as much as the hollow expressions. I culled this batch together from various fleas and shops. I love their awkwardness and symmetry. I may frame them together and display them as a collection.

 

Tokens of a not-so-distant past

Who didn’t collect these as a kid? The handle-and-crank flattening machines were once ubiquitous at every carnival and tourist attraction. You can still find them here and there, but they’re not the same, and the pennies are too shiny. But the patina and texture of these are perfect. Being a New Yorker at heart, the iconography doesn’t hurt, either.

 

The mannequin becomes the art

I can’t exactly qualify this dress form as a random find. I bought it off a maker friend who’s moving. I’d been looking for a mannequin like this for some time. It’s a 1963 Wolf dress form, the cage and rolling casters still intact. I’m planning to use it as a prop and product display, but she looks right at home near the French doors in my studio. So much so that I’m finding I treasure it more as an objet d’art than a utilitarian piece.

 

Take a seat (or two)

I was set up across the aisle at a recent show from a vintage dealer who was selling this chair set. It caught my eye immediately. I thought they were movie theater seats. Turns out, they were from a grange hall. And in need of some repair, which made them surprisingly affordable—and all the more charming. That they folded up and fit in my overcrowded car confirmed that we were meant to be together.

 

Susan Forker is the owner and designer of the Doylestown-based joeyfivecents, a line of one-of-a-kind jewelry and accessories.

Photography by Susan Forker

Behind the Craft

SCAVENGING

A look at joeyfivecents’ new, locally inspired collection.

By Susan Forker

 

Last month marked an anniversary of sorts. Exactly 10 years ago, we moved our family from our Southern California home to come and settle in Bucks County. It wasn’t all that difficult a transition—my husband and I were born and raised on the east coast, and we frequently brought the kids back east to visit. Actually, I think we naturalized quite quickly to the changes in climate and culture.

In our time here, I started a small business and subsequently developed my own brand. joeyfivecents, a vintage-imagery-based line of handmade jewelry and accessories, came about a few years after the move through a leap of faith and a nod to my former career as a film editor.

It seemed appropriate, when I began to think recently about expanding, that I should take a cue from my surroundings. After a concentrated workshop in the Pacific Northwest last spring and an intensive summer of trial and error, I unveiled the anniehall collection. Extoling seasonal palettes, botanical patterns and textures, influence is gleaned from what I see in the garden, like moss between the stones, and the landscape I’m surrounded by every day—algae-covered ponds, working farms.

anniehall also represents a bit of a departure in methodology. In place of vintage paper and resin, I’m using epoxy clay and colored pigments to evoke an organic vibe that celebrates nature’s imperfect beauty—and the place that helped me and my family to feel so at home so quickly.

Susan Forker is the owner and designer of the Doylestown-based joeyfivecents, a line of one-of-a-kind jewelry and accessories.

Photos courtesy joeyfivecents

How to Prep for the Super Bowl of Grilling

DIY

Much as grilling’s evolved lately, the Fourth remains a sacred occasion. So we turned to chef Max Hansen to ensure that our epic cookout pleases even the strictest of traditionalists: Dad.

Grilling’s shed a lot of its wonky etiquette over the last few years, mostly because Dad’s no longer the only one manning the Weber. Those codes of conduct, it’s clear now, were implemented to protect his place on the throne, as though he was performing black magic out on the deck, and only when he named his successor would he cough up his secrets. But now, even eight-year-olds are doing it. And we’re grilling foods that are definitely charring Dad on the inside—watermelon! snapper! He’ll come around, though. Just give him some space.

Dad, however, wasn’t all wrong. The guy treated the Fourth like it was his Super Bowl, prepping his charcoal and tools as dawn broke, standing in clouds of smoke all afternoon long, handing over platter after platter of burgers he hand-formed the night before, wieners in toasted buns (some with cheese, which he despised, but he aimed to please), perfectly pink T-bones, fatty ribs, and on and on. A coup was the furthest thought from anyone’s minds then.

So Monday, we’re going to stage an epic cookout in honor of dear-old Dad, because the Fourth, after all, is about remembering where we came from. To ensure that we do right by him, we turned to Max Hansen to show us the way. Hansen’s cooked for and alongside countless big-name celebs and dignitaries over his career, but grilling is second nature to him. He does it year-round. What’s more, as the chef/owner of Max Hansen Carversville Grocery,  he’s a walking, talking field guide to Bucks County’s markets and artisan vendors. Yup, Dad, turns out we were paying attention all along. And, thanks.

 

All meat is not created equal
This, you’re likely well aware of by now. A free-range chicken tastes a lot gamier than the factory-farmed drumsticks we grew up eating. The difference is obvious in grass-fed beef, too, and even nitrate-free hot dogs. The time to bank on that difference not being so obvious is when you’re serving a carnivore’s delight. Quality, not quantity. No amount of rub is going to salvage a Deal-of-the-Day skirt steak.

Hansen favors the Fredericksburg, PA-based FreeBird  for his chickens. Once you’ve got that bird in hand, brine it and, when the time comes, grill it over a medium heat.

For his beef, Hansen heads to Haring Brothers Country Butcher Shop, in Ottsville, and None Such Farm Market, in Buckingham. At the latter, butcher Bob Jones cuts two-and-a-half- to three-inch boneless rib-eyes, at Hansen’s request—thick-cut steaks cook more evenly, he says—from the farm’s own Hereford Angus. He prefers Haring Brothers’ burgers for their slightly higher-than-typical fat content, which helps keep them moist regardless of their doneness.

Cleaning is non-negotiable
If you don’t start the day wiping down your grates, there’s only one possible outcome: Leftover fat’s going to flare up and lay ruin to all that expensive meat. Five, 10 minutes of basic house cleaning will make life easier for you throughout the afternoon—because meat doesn’t stick to a clean grate—and allow your food to taste as you intended, not like the remnants of a stamped-out campfire.

Thick-cut veggies are your friend
This may seem obvious, too, but it’s a mistake that’s often repeated: Keep your vegetable cuts on the larger side. That way, they won’t slip through the grate, and you’ll have an easier time cooking them. Thinly-sliced or -cut veggies tend to char faster than they cook. And, just like your meats, start with the best quality you can get your hands on. If you don’t pluck it from your own garden, get it from a farmstand. And then keep the dressing simple: olive oil (extra-virgin’s overkill here), lemon juice, salt, pepper and some herbs. That’s it.

All that remains now is keeping an eye on Dad. A smile’s coming, but he’s not going to be obvious about it.

 

Another World, a Short Drive Away

ART

A preview of the summer’s most promising museum exhibits and events (for families and adults).

Right about now, the summer’s starting to lose a little bit of its glow. I mean, it’s still summer, so even the below-average days are better than February’s best effort. But the humidity’s inching up and the kiddos are already showing signs of malaise. The answer is a little deviation. Endless freedom goes from exhilarating to boring real fast. But when you pepper it with brief, unexpected episodes, they have a way of renewing everything around them—and you. Which is why the museum is our favorite Plan B year-round, but especially come the dog days. Nowhere else can you travel so far so fast. And, really, these exhibits are way more engaging than The Legend of Tarzan or Jason Bourne. —Scott Edwards

 

Art Splash | Today through September 5

Philadelphia Museum of Art

“Groundbreaking exhibit” means nothing to a child, unless, of course, there’s actual ground-breaking involved. But, in this case, they’ll never need to know that what they’re seeing and doing is enlightening them. This summer’s edition of Art Splash is being dedicated to a kid-friendly exploration of the art museum’s Creative Africa exhibit. There are tours aimed at kids as young as three—and, on two special occasions, parents with babies in tow—and an exhibit-inspired craft studio and daily storytelling.

 

Summer Nights | Wednesday through August 24

Bucks County Children’s Museum

Aside from having free run of the interactive exhibits for an extra couple of hours every Wednesday, the New Hope museum will also be hosting a series of family-minded activities. First up: “Make It Take It Craft Night.” Next week: “Picnic Night.” You bring dinner, and the museum will supply the Nina’s Waffle Bites. What kid wouldn’t jump at the chance to spend a night (part of one, at least) at a museum? Thanks to Ben Stiller, we all now know that after-hours is when all the interesting stuff happens.

 

Unguarded, Untold, Iconic | Opens July 16

Michener Art Museum

This isn’t only about piquing the curiosity of some young, dormant imaginations. Yours could use some challenging, too. Start at the Michener, with Exton photographer Steve McCurry’s intimate-verging on-unsettling introduction to the humble Afghanistan that’s too often lost in the news of the latest explosion or uprising. These images—some new, some instantly identifiable—cover McCurry’s countless trips to the country over the last few decades, trips spurred by the unrest we’re familiar with, but his experiences hardly mirror the coverage.

 

Happiness, Liberty, Life? | Through September 18

Pennsylvania Academy of the Fine Arts 

When the Democratic National Convention ambles into town July 25, it’ll feel like the culmination of an overdrawn, overwrought process. But, of course, it won’t be. We’ll still have over three long months to wade through. Is this what democracy has always looked like? In short, yes. But, for a more interesting answer, check out Happiness, Liberty, Life?—a tongue-in-cheek play on “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness”—which scans the long, contentious tradition of political discord in this country and its thought-provoking, often-funny expression through the arts.

 

A Material Legacy | Opens July 30

“Naomi and Her Daughters,” 2013, Kehinde Wiley, Nancy A. Nasher and David J. Haemisegger Collection. ©Kehinde Wiley Studio. Courtesy Princeton University Art Museum. Top: “Afghan Girl,” 1984, Steve McCurry. ©Steve McCurry. Courtesy Michener Art Museum.

Princeton University Art Museum

If you’ve been pulled in other directions over the last few years, A Material Legacy is an ideal reintroduction. The collection features some of the fastest-rising artists in the world—Kehinde Wiley, Anish Kapoor, Kara Walker, Sol LeWitt. Nearly every piece was made in the last 10 years, most of it in the last seven, so by the time you’re done, you can consider yourself all caught up. Fear not. There won’t be a test. The real reason to see this show is to remember why you fell in love with contemporary art. (Hint: It’s a far more inspiring way to confront the world’s issues.)

Dark and Stormy

FASHION

Men, haven’t a clue what to wear this fall? Follow Nature’s lead.

At 19, when most of us were figuring out how many days in a row we could get away with wearing the same outfit (two in the summer, five in the winter), Nick Torres was opening his own tailoring shop, Beyond Bespoke, in Midtown Manhattan. Even then, he already had years of experience under him—he’s a third-generation tailor.

The tailors in New York City who are willing to make house calls end up with some very influential publicists as loyal clients. Nick’s pinned up the likes of Kim and Kourtney Kardashian and Chrissy Teigen and John Legend. But he’s too modest to name-drop without some insistent prodding. Nick, now 30, doesn’t consider the celebs, A-list or not, to be his sustenance anyway. That would be the guys, young and clueless and older and misguided, who fill up his 12-hour days with consultations. His tack: Bring them along gently.
Since we’re not paying customers (yet), we told him he could be more forthcoming. —Scott Edwards

There’s a summer suit and a winter suit. Is there one for fall, too?
NT A fall suit’s less about the fabric since it’s a transitional season. Look for darker colors—shades of olive and brown—and maybe a small pattern. It should go without saying at this point, but make sure it’s a slim fit. Then pair it with a great trench coat.

Speaking of patterns, keep us ahead of the curve; what’s going to blow up this season?
Plaids and checks are going to be big again. And heather gray’s going to emerge as the signature color of the fall of 2016.

What are you most looking forward to wearing come the first hint of cooler temperatures?
A brown blazer that I just made. It’s got killer brass buttons and a removable hood.

A Better Back-to-School Plan

ORGANIZED HOME

Some simple moves now will spare you from 10 months of escalating aggravation.

By Laurie Palau

 

You’re forgiven for not noticing them here in the throes of camp season, or before you bolted out of town, but those blinking lights on the horizon, they belong to a school bus. Don’t tell the kids. Let them splash and run with abandon. Their day will come. But ours has arrived.

You’d think back-to-school prep would get easier in this digital age, but the backpacks only grow bigger and fuller as the school years pass. Before their contents explode all over your kitchen table, establish an order while you’re easing them—trying to, at least—back into their routines.

Reload ‘em. All those essentials—notebooks, pencils, folders—buy them now, and not just to cover their immediate needs; stock up for the entire school year. It’s never going to be cheaper. While you’re at it, try to anticipate their long-range needs—poster board, glue sticks, copy paper—and stockpile that stuff as well.

Hook ‘em. The sight of backpacks hanging across kitchen chairs or slung onto counters gradually gnaws at me until I finally detonate right around Thanksgiving break. Install hooks near whichever door they use most. It’s not foolproof, but shouting “Hang them on the hooks!” is a better solution than shouting “Get them out of here!” And, if it takes, it’ll spare you some headaches in the morning, too.

Corral ‘em. Kids are no different from us. Designate a corner the home classroom and they’ll be that much more productive. Make sure it’s out of the way (read: no TV in sight) and quiet. There should also be plenty of room to stow textbooks and ongoing projects.

Mobilize ‘em. Nothing says all that storage needs to assume the form of fixed shelving or desk drawers. Get creative and construct an art caddy that’ll stash all their supplies. The easy portability may even encourage them to dip into it just for fun. Either way, it’ll allow you to tuck it wherever it’s convenient.

Excuse ‘em. Kids are the world’s cutest kleptomaniacs. For no apparent reason, they’ll arrive home with someone else’s Minions lunchbox, jacket or pet turtle. Install a small basket right beneath the backpack hooks to keep them within easy reach for when their rightful owners come calling. The faster you can get them in and out, the less explaining you’ll have to do.

Laurie Palau is the owner of the New Hope-based simply B organized, a home and life organization service.