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A Curated Life

HOME DESIGN

_MG_1815Respected as they are for their style and their resourcefulness, Ginger Hall and David Teague are even more particular about what they bring into their Solebury home. The result is a pure extension of them.
By Scott Edwards  ·  Photography by Josh DeHonney

For the better part of an hour, the conversation comes easily as we move from room to room. Then we head outside to take advantage of the fading, unseasonable warmth, pull up chairs on the flagstone patio and start to play a game. The house is burning down. What are you saving? Silence. Punctuated by concerned looks.
In a town loaded with vintage, David Teague and his wife, Ginger Hall, are maybe its most widely revered collectors. Their scavenging’s taken them beyond the flea markets and estate sales across the Mid-Atlantic to some off-the-grid corners of Japan and Europe. His Lambertville, New Jersey, store, America Antiques & Design, has been a valuable resource for Ralph Lauren and his ilk for years. Ginger’s eye is just as keen. For a while, she stocked a corner of the store with dresses that were frequently cherry-picked by the bohemian label, Free People. Early last year, she took over the second floor and opened her own women’s boutique called Compromise Lodge.

 

They live across the river, along a pitched stretch of picturesque road in Solebury Township. “It’s a real farmhouse,” David says. Then he immediately clarifies himself. “It’s a farm worker’s house, as opposed to a plantation.” Relative to their neighbors’, it’s a small home. Relative to any home, it’s small. Two bedrooms, one bathroom. And, really, it’s one bedroom because Ginger’s claimed the other as her boudoir. But the physical limitations have only honed their resourcefulness. Nothing is an afterthought.
“I think because the house is so small, we both have a sensibility in editing,” Ginger says. “We buy things as we find them, not as we need them. We just learned that otherwise, you don’t get the right thing or you pay too much if you’re too eager to find it.”
“We’re afforded the luxury that we can always use the gallery as a way to feed this,” David says. Or purge it. “Someday next month, we may find a really cool pair of lamps and say, ‘Oh, my god. That would be even better in the kitchen. Let’s swap them out.’ We’ll take these lamps out, put them in the shop and make a profit on them.”
“It’s a small footprint-thing,” Ginger says. “I hate all those terms—I’m sorry to interrupt—but it is. When you really make a commitment to live small and kind of stick to it, that dictates everything you bring in and don’t bring in. Like, I sell clothes, but I can’t keep as many as I want. I don’t have the space. It’s a very thoughtful process. It’s nice if it’s made by someone you know or just handmade in general.”
They have a longtime writer friend who, on his last visit, said something that resonated with them: “I love your place. It’s so truthful.”

Quantifying the unquantifiable
Back to the fire’s-ravaging-the-home challenge. The trouble, it’s become apparent, is that they play this game all the time.
“It’s kind of our litmus test to bring something into the house,” David says. “It has to be that kind of thing that you would grab on your way, jumping out the window, if there was a fire. We have hundreds and hundreds of things in the store that obviously we’re drawn to, otherwise we wouldn’t have purchased them. Some of them, when you sell them, it’s hard to say goodbye. But the things that are here are the things that we couldn’t say goodbye to. So, that’s a tough question for us.”
“I’m really sentimental about stuff,” Ginger says. “There are so many things that, for different reasons, I feel very attached to.”
To define their criteria, once and for all, David says: “It doesn’t come home with us unless it’s really kind of special, and has a great story and it’s rare.”
Nonetheless, eventually, they come up with answers. Ginger names the steel lamps that David made that sit on their nightstands. He forged four altogether shortly after they bought the house about 15 years ago, reluctantly sold two of them for a huge price and promptly realized he’d never part with the other two, an instinct that’s only solidified since the death of the friend he made them with.
David leaves us and returns a moment later with the smallest shoe I’ve ever seen. “You love that shoe,” Ginger says to him. It’s a girl’s or a very petite woman’s brown leather shoe with a black, stacked-leather heel. David figures it’s about 125-years-old. Again, he reluctantly gave up its mate to a close friend who hounded him for it—and then turned around and sent it to John Galliano to get him to come to his show at New York Fashion Week. (It worked.)
Needless to say, Ginger and David don’t stop—can’t stop—there.

Fashion follows function
The boudoir may sound like an indulgence—and Ginger admits that she feels like it is—but the lone closet in the master bedroom is about a foot deep and a couple feet wide. David lined it with shelving and uses it to store his shoes and accessories. A narrow stairwell arrives at a two-foot by two-foot landing on the second floor. To the left, the bedroom. Straight ahead, the only bathroom. And to the right, the boudoir. Clearly, this is the only functional arrangement.
In lieu of closet space, there’s a massive “breakdown armoire” from Germany (named as such because it breaks down into several pieces) and a curvaceous Brazilian dresser in the bedroom that came in through a window with most of the rest of the furniture up here. In the boudoir, a stack of embossed leather suitcases from the thirties sits against the far wall. “My clothes are in there, yeah,” Ginger says. “It’s a commitment. But it feels normal, I don’t know.”
The mirror hanging over the vanity next to them is 18th-century Italian. The rest of the room is arranged just like a boutique, right down to the tall display case that houses her jewelry and the freestanding clothes rack. An S-shaped loveseat sits in the middle of the room. And a miniature, 19th-century Swedish chandelier hangs from the ceiling. Its partner hangs directly across the landing, over the bed from Buenos Aires.
Most of the dining room—for all intents, the home’s central throughway—is occupied by a dining table that David made from a 200-year-old board that once comprised half of a family bed in Burma. It’s bracketed on its two long sides by industrial-looking steel braces. On top sits a giant clam shell, which happens to store wine bottles nicely within the grooves of its opening. They can seat eight in here, David says, but it’s tight. They do most of their entertaining in the warm weather, when the patio and the studio are at their disposal.

Home away from home
Fond as they are of their home and its contents, Ginger and David are most comfortable in the former sculptor’s studio behind the home and, maybe even more so, in the intimate cove wedged between the two.
They planted pine trees on the one side when they first moved in that now stand 20 feet tall, easily. The ones on the opposite side grew on their own accord. They create the effect, along with the house and the studio on the other sides, of sealing the patio off from the outside world.
The fire pit at the center is a 19th-century Victorian flower urn that David found in Massachusetts. Scattered around it sit several white metal lounge chairs of various sizes and shapes. On top of a few of them are pillows made from stuffed old Japanese mailbags and German hops sacks. There’s a framed five-foot by five-foot white board attached to the backside of the house. Directly across the patio, a projector’s fixed in a studio window. It’s an easy scene to envision: balmy summer night, sparks floating up through the air, quiet conversation, the occasional burst of laughter, David’s arty movies playing in the background.
With its bank of salvaged windows spanning the entire far wall, the studio has the feel of a pavilion. It’s a long, wide-open space. To the right, a large projection screen, in front of which sits a midcentury modern-looking couch. Behind that is a comfy queen-size bed with a pillow-y, white down comforter. And behind that, now all the way on the far left of the room, is a big cast-iron, wood-burning stove. They just installed a heating and air conditioning system, but the lack of it was never much of a deterrent. “I’ll walk through the snow to come out here,” David says. “We don’t have a fireplace in the house, so I love having a fire.”
In the fall, when the apple tree just beyond the bank of windows is dropping apples faster than they can collect them, they’ll lie in that bed at night, the stove radiating a few feet away, and listen to the deer devour the apples littering the ground.
The building, David believes, was erected sometime in the thirties or forties and converted into a sculptor’s studio about 20 years later.
“I loved what this was,” David says, motioning over his right shoulder, to the house. “But this building,” nodding toward the studio, “is what really, really spoke to me. When I came out to Bucks County originally from Philly, I was drawn toward the architecture, toward the barns. I rented probably four or five different barns.”
Just as valuable as the aesthetic appeal was the space to set up a workshop to build his furniture and restore their home.
“This is like a 15-year project for us,” David says. “It’s a pleasure. It’s not a job … trying to improve upon it and respect the life that it had.
“I don’t know that we’ll ever be done, done, done. But I think we’re getting close,” he says. “I want to do a little bathroom [in the studio]. Eventually, in our retirement, [the studio] will be a complete home. And maybe we’ll rent one or the other. And then do some traveling and get away from some of these winters up here.”
“You don’t want any strangers [renting],” Ginger says to him.
“I don’t want any strangers,” David concedes. “It looks good on paper.”

Where My Dogs At?

ENTERTAINMENT

You loved Best in Show, right? This is that, but live. An insider’s cue sheet to one of the longest running dog shows in the country.

By Lynne Goldman

I love dogs. Small, big, fluffy, skinny, smart and even not so smart. Oh, sure, I may be partial to some breeds, but I scratch the ears of any dog and coo, “Hi, sweetie.” So when I had the opportunity to write about the Bucks County Kennel Club Show, I jumped at it. (Down, girl!)

The show is one of those “It’s-right-in-your-backyard-and-you-don’t-know-about-it” stories. Case in point: Next Saturday’s is the 75th annual edition, making it one of the longest running dog shows in the country. It’s still lagging a few decades behind the 140-year-old Westminster show, but it’s been around way longer than you have.

That first Bucks Kennel Club Show was held May 30, 1942 in Doylestown, and it fielded 477 dogs. Next Saturday’s will be held in Tinicum Park, in Upper Bucks, and it’s expected to draw more than 2,500 entries. They’ll be spread across 16 rings and scored by judges from around the world.

“I love this show,” says Shawne Imler, a professional handler, breeder and owner of schnauzers. “It’s a beautiful location, and the best terriers in the country come to compete, so it’s prestigious to win here.”

Prior to my venture behind the scenes of last year’s show, my knowledge of dog shows comes from two sources: watching the Westminster show on TV, and the movie, Best in Show. From the sublime to the absurd. Or is it the other way around? I was about to find out.

Getting your bearings  The day begins at 8:30 a.m. for many of the breed exhibitors—the people who show the dogs—but don’t feel obliged to get there that early. There are 16 rings, eight on each side, with a wide concourse between. You’ll find the food court there. The tents behind the rings, that’s where the dogs are prepped for their turns in the ring.

Golden retrievers, please  If you’ve got a favorite breed, head to the Club Tent. They’ll be able to tell you where to find it. Ringside, look around for a spectator who’s brought his own chair and looks settled in for the duration. If you want to learn something, casually nestle in next to him and start picking his brain. These enthusiasts are walking encyclopedias, and most are happy to play color commentator for a bit.

What am I watching for?  That’s a good place to start. The dog needs to be healthy and meticulously groomed. And then there are a whole slew of standards set for each breed by the American Kennel Club. Your new friend can tell you more about those.

It’s not entirely clinical. Personality comes into play, too.

“They have to show they want it,” says Ken Kaufman, the Best in Show judge at last year’s show. (As far as Kaufman’s own personality, he doesn’t ooze aloofness or sarcasm. Not even a hint of it.) “If they do, you can see it—they shine. The tail is wagging, the dog is paying attention to the surroundings, the handler, the audience clapping.”

“If they don’t want to do it, they won’t win. They have to enjoy it,” says Larry Cornelius, a pro dog handler. His skye terrier, Charlie, won Best in Show at the AKC/Eukanuba 2014 National Championship and Reserve (runner-up) at the 2015 Westminster Kennel Club Show. “ ‘Great ones are born and great ones are made,’ is the saying, because both are true.”

As I watched Imler groom her schnauzers, one of them, Valentine, was whining and restless. “She loves to show,” Imler said at the time. “She is now a champion and she’s going for the big win today.” Valentine, in fact, won Best of Breed that day, and went on to compete for Best of Terrier Group.

Learning the lingo  As with any sport, showing has its own language—breeders, owners, handlers, classes. Breeders breed (obviously), but they may also own and show (handle) dogs. But all owners are not necessarily breeders or handlers.

Class refers to a group of dogs within a breed, and each class has its own requirements. One may be dedicated to puppies, another to American-bred dogs. (“Open” typically encompasses mature dogs of any nationality.)

No matter the class, in the end, “every dog competes for the best of breed,” says Bill Burland, the Bucks Kennel Club Show chairman. “And every dog but one gets beat.”

After a dog wins Best of Breed, it’ll compete for Best of Group. At that point, the dog’s being measured against other breeds, but they’re all similar in some way. They may be herding dogs, for example, or sporting dogs.

The Best of Group winners advance to the ultimate smackdown, Best in Show.

The main event  How, you’re probably going to wonder at some point after you’ve been roaming from ring to ring all afternoon, gradually getting sucked in, can you judge a terrier against a doberman?

“You have to have a general knowledge of dog anatomy,” says Kaufman, who’s been judging for 30 years, “and 90 percent of that is the same across breeds.”

What it comes down to, the judge is comparing one beautiful—immaculate, really—dog to another, and sizing up which is the best example of the breed standard. At that point, it’s almost literally a matter of splitting hairs. It’s then that you can sit back and be grateful that you’re not in his position or one of the handler’s. You’re there simply to marvel at the lack of slobber—and the realization that you haven’t seen a single squirrel all day.

 

My Morning Soundtrack

SCAVENGING

Before I plug in, I meditate on the wonders of the natural world. All I need to do is stand at the kitchen window.

By Susan Forker

I’ve developed a slight obsession. With birds.

Between a feeder we installed last spring outside our kitchen window (last year’s Mother’s Day gift) and another, larger one that went up this spring (this year’s Mother’s Day gift), we seem to have created a thriving haven on our patio. Every morning, no matter the time of year, there’s a constant flurry of activity and birdsong. I’ve come to start my days watching for a while from the other side of the window, coffee in hand.

I’ve managed to start identifying some of them: the tufted titmouse, catbirds and Carolina chickadees, all uniquely fascinating in their mannerisms and singing. The tiny downy woodpecker, with the graphic black-and-white pattern of his feathers punctuated by a bright slash of red down the back of his head, used to drill at the delicious seasoned wood of our barn siding with a loud rat-a-tat-tat. He now appears favor the fancy suet cakes that we put out for him. That may just be wishful thinking, though. And there’s a red-breasted house finch who we nicknamed “Bullybird” because he scares away every other bird that lands on the feeder while he’s eating.

My favorite guests, though, have to be the cardinal couple, which I’ve never seen apart. It’s the male, I’ve come to learn, who boasts the iconic deep red and the beardlike markings around the beak. The female’s more of a tawny, pinkish-brown. I often find the pair perched in the shrubs for many minutes at a time, seemingly content to watch the world go by like an old, married couple. Once, I convinced myself that I even saw them kissing. I did a little research and found out that the males will feed their partners seeds beak to beak during courtship and mating, and most cardinals will stay together for life. How sweet!

The detritus of seeds and sunflower hulls litter our patio, and the squirrels are usually lurking in nearby bushes for a chance to steal from the feeder. No matter. It’s all worth it for the songbirds. I’m getting a little better at distinguishing their calls, but, for the most part, they still blur into one sprawling composition. Or what I’ve come to consider my morning soundtrack.

Susan Forker is the owner and designer of the Doylestown-based joeyfivecents, a line of one-of-a-kind jewelry and accessories.

 

The Awakening

SCAVENGING

Premature as last week’s heat wave was, it was enough for now.

Text and photography by Susan Forker

The winter can be long and tedious. Unless everything is covered with a fresh blanket of snow, which is generally spectacular, the leafless trees and the crackled and brownish land casts an overall dullness over everything, including our moods. Never is that feeling more acute than during these waning days of March—especially when there’s a nor’easter in the forecast.

I enjoy the change of seasons, but like most around here, I go into a mental hibernation until I see that first glimmer of spring. Amid the lovely, unseasonable warmth last week, there it was. Speckled among the dead grass were patches of bright green, spotted with the lone crocus. A purple hellebore peeked out from petrified leaves. The branches of forsythia held buds that promised of yellow blooms to come. And hundreds of straight and tall daffodil stems were suddenly ubiquitous, with the occasional bulb barely able to contain itself.

Those first warm breezes and the surprise sighting of snowdrops clustered in the woods never fail to stir something in me—hope, excitement, impatience—even after a (mostly) mild winter.

 

Susan Forker is the owner and designer of the Doylestown-based joeyfivecents, a line of one-of-a-kind jewelry and accessories.

Where the Cool Kids Hang Out

THE SCENE

[Read: A place so effortlessly cool that weary, middle-age adults can convince themselves that they still have a beat on what all the hype’s about.]

Call it middle age, but I’m exhausted by the mere thought of the drive to Philly for a night out. Or maybe it’s all the logistics that go into the planning anymore. Ten years ago, the destination(s) was almost always inconsequential. As long as we were all together and the booze flowed freely, it was a party. Now, dates need to be reserved a month, sometimes two, in advance. Babysitters need to be hired, budgets and ground rules established—don’t mention baby weight, job searches or house hunting. Every nuance only adds to the weight of expectation, to the point that it starts to feel like a burden. Which makes Xlounge, the new bar at Parx, a godsend. The drive’s cut in half, parking’s a nonstarter, and once inside, we’re back to being the savvy twentysomethings we always imagined ourselves as (and never actually were), entering a room with all the swagger of the “Entourage” crew (seasons one and two). Settling into a nook of velvet-and-leather lounge chairs and sofas, a round of craft cocktails and beers slipped into our hands like it was choreographed, it looks effortlessly cool, we look so effortlessly cool. Not like we’re a bunch of homebodies masquerading as cool kids who will be crippled with hangovers and responsibilities come the morning light. —Scott Edwards

Xlounge,  Parx Casino, 2999 Street Road, Bensalem

Photo courtesy Parx Casino

Alternative, Sure, But Effective

THE LIFE STYLIST

A few outside-the-mainstream treatments to help fight off that cold or even the seasonal affective disorder that always seems to lay you out right about now.

By David J. Witchell

It was like clockwork. Every year, as soon as it turned dark and frigid, I caught a debilitating cold that seemed to stay with me until the spring. I’ve always been a workaholic, and I was even more of one in my early twenties, so I wasn’t paying nearly enough attention to my wellbeing. Once I made the connection, the colds lessened in severity then disappeared almost entirely. The basic preventative measures I started adhering to religiously all those years ago sparked a deep passion for holistic treatments. Today, I credit them with keeping me above the fray when everyone else is struggling to stay upright.

Some stuff I do year-round, others are seasonal. The one ritual in my arsenal that I consider to be the most critical is nasal irrigation with a Neti Pot. I’ve been doing it almost daily for the last 20 years, and it’s significantly reduced or even eliminated nosebleeds, nasal congestion, headaches and sore throats.

I go back and forth between the traditional pot and saline solution and the more convenient spray. Both are equally effective. I use a pot and a spray by NeilMed, but the spray can be a bit harsh for first-timers. Arm & Hammer Simply Saline Nasal Relief is milder. Still, the sensation will take some getting used to.

If you think tipping a pot of warm saline up your nose sounds awkward, ear candling is going to blow your mind. Laying there, the first time, with a burning candle sticking out of my ear, the skepticism I felt was far outweighed by the fear that something seriously bad was about to happen. When it didn’t, I slowly relaxed and actually started to enjoy it.

Ear candling’s credited with everything from safely cleaning up the ear canal to sharpening the senses. I tried it because I was suffering from mild vertigo and non-sinus head congestion. The candle was lit—I could hear it crackling—but I didn’t hear or feel much after that. When it was done, I felt calm and lighter. These days, the moment I feel lightheaded, dizzy or congested, I arrange a session.

Essential oils comprise another part of my year-round regimen. Whenever I begin to feel rundown, I’ll draw a hot bath and add five to eight drops each of thyme, rosemary, tea tree, lemon, eucalyptus and lavender essential oils. Their essence can stay with you for a few days, and it’s not just a physical effect. I’ve worked alongside master aromatherapists whose blends have pulled me to a different place and time. Aside from adding them to a bath, the oils can be diffused or applied directly to the skin.

When I don’t act fast enough at the onset of an illness, my go-to remedy blend is called Thieves. It’s a mixture of clove, lemon, cinnamon bark, eucalyptus and rosemary. I’ll add four of five drops to a basin of boiling water, cover my head with a towel, lean in and inhale the steam. The blend was developed in the 15th century to treat the plague. It’s antiviral, antiseptic and antibacterial. I also use it as a sore-throat spray, and I’ll add a few drops to a warm, damp washcloth to help with head and chest congestion.

Essential oils are my magic bullet. But be sure to use them according to the proper dilutions, and pay close attention to contraindications with certain conditions.

Shirodhara is an Ayurveda practice that’s believed to stimulate the third-eye chakra. A thin, steady stream of warm liquid—it can be an herbal oil blend, milk or buttermilk—spills onto the forehead for about 25 minutes, but it can feel like much longer.

Afterward, I find that my concentration is sharper, my anxiety is diminished and my conscience expands to profound dimensions. The only sensation I can equate it to is the endorphin rush following an epic achievement, like finishing a marathon.

I learned of shirodhara 21 years ago during a week spent training with some of the icons of holistic medicine, Deepak Chopra, Bernie S. Siegel and Ram Dass. The version we offer at the spa features herbal oils, and it’s incorporated into a massage.

I’m 48 now, and it becomes more apparent to me with every birthday that my health—physical, mental and emotional—hinges on staying proactive with my care. I’m not discounting the merits of eating unprocessed foods and exercising consistently, but, in my experience, there’s more to it than that. And these treatments, however far outside the mainstream some of them may seem, fill that void in me.

David J. Witchell is the co-owner of David J. Witchell at 25 South and The Boutiques at 25 South, both in Newtown.

Photos by David J. Witchell / Model: Catie Whalen

Spring Starts Now

SOUL FOOD

Think of the person you want to be come Memorial Day weekend—healthy, energetic, happy. The gap’s not as wide as it may feel, but the hibernation needs to end today. A guide to how to go about just that.

By Rose Nyad Orrell

With spring on the horizon—we may touch 70 next week—you may be feeling the urge to hit refresh on yourself. It’s a natural instinct as the weather becomes more conducive to a healthy lifestyle. The first steps are usually the hardest. I know they’ve been mine since spending a dozen lovely winters in the southwest. This was my third winter back in the northeast, and it’s not getting any easier.

I’ve come to adopt a mantra to get me through winter’s homestretch: Fake it till you make it. There’s quite a gap between hibernation and the active lifestyle we’re striving for. Don’t be daunted by it. Aim to do something, anything, each day. And do it every day. Gradually, a walk will become a run. But if you start with the run, you set yourself up for disappointment.

For the next month, my exercise regimen will focus on developing my stamina. My first sessions will start at 15 minutes and gradually ramp up to a half-hour of some kind of movement, whether it be jogging, dancing, yoga, even gardening. And I’ll do it four to five days a week. Some days may feel better than others, but it’s critical to remember that keeping the pace slow and steady will lay the foundation for everything to come. Press too hard and you’ll make yourself vulnerable to injury, or even discourage yourself entirely.

Once I start feeling as though the exercise is becoming easier—my breathing isn’t too labored, my form is sound—I’ll begin either increasing the duration of the sessions by, say, a few minutes a week (10 percent is a good rule of thumb) or their intensity. That’s when I usually begin incorporating weight training, which will help develop lean muscle mass, a key component to boosting metabolism. It’s also the framework that’ll enable you to begin pushing yourself harder.

The most important muscle not to neglect in this process is the heart. More specifically, your resting heart rate. It’s a good indicator of where your endurance stands. The faster your heart rate returns to a calm level after a hard workout—55 to 65 beats per minute for men, low sixties for women—the better your conditioning.

With a solid base beneath you, begin incorporating a couple of high-intensity interval sessions into your weekly regimen. They’re meant to be short in duration—anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes—but they’ve proven to be far more effective at burning calories and boosting your aerobic capacity than drawn-out, low-intensity exercise. Because it’s so demanding, don’t jump in until you’re ready, and even then, space out the workouts. You’ll want to give to yourself at least a couple days between them. You can exercise during that period, but keep it relatively low in intensity.

The concept behind high-intensity training is pretty simple: Go all out for a brief burst, then give yourself enough time to catch your breath but not fully recover. Repeat. Try this one: Warm up with a five-minute jog. Then, sprint for 20 seconds, jog or walk for the next 40. Aim for five rounds to start. Work your way up to 10. Once you’ve got a high-intensity workout behind you, it’s safe to say you’re back in the game and well on your way to the best shape of your life.

Rose Nyad Orrell is a New Hope-based certified holistic health practitioner (rosenyad.com).

This is Funny. Seriously

ENTERTAINMENT

With no experience whatsoever, Narberth’s Darren Keith dove into creating his own comedy series. Somehow, he found his way back to the surface.

By Scott Edwards

 

It’s hard to overstate how little Darren Keith knew about making a TV show. If you spent a few seconds wondering how to go about it yourself—I’ll wait—whatever you came up with is probably more than he did initially.

“I had to Google, ‘How do you format a script?’ ” says Keith, who grew up in Northeast Philly and now lives in Narberth.

But what he did know was the irony of human nature. The lead singer, for example, who’s in it for the art, but who earmuffs his pride a few times a week and sings “Happy Birthday” so that he can collect a paycheck. Or, the seasoned concertgoer who shouts out a request for another band’s song. Free! Bird!

Keith’s spent the last 25 years cataloguing such experiences from a front row seat. He’s been a professional drummer—mostly freelance work—since he was 15, living in all the musical hotbeds—New York, LA, Austin, Branson—and witnessing and absorbing (two very distinct acts) the onslaught of shaming that goes hand in hand with a life on stage and, really, a life, period. He’s lasted this long because of his wit. Even before he sat behind his first snare, Keith was keenly aware of his ability to make those in his circle crack up. As he realized how precious an asset that is, the more he daydreamed about doing something with it. Like make a living from it. He was watching “Flight of the Conchords” and “Curb Your Enthusiasm” with the rest of us. He could do that, he thought.

Call it a midlife crisis. Keith decided the time was now. He was going to create his own comedy series. Without a sentence of writing experience. Zero concept of acting, performing aside. And no grasp whatsoever of how to produce a show. Needless to say, the three-and-a-half years since have been “a crazy rollercoaster ride.” It took him a year to finish the 10-minute pilot episode alone. But he did it. And when “DK the Gig” premiered on YouTube last Saturday (you can watch it here), everything before and after faded away. For now, at least. Keith’s planning to launch a crowd-funding campaign in March on Indiegogo so that he can film the other seven episodes he’s written. (He’s covered all of the costs to this point himself.) From there, he wants to start shopping the show around.

I know what you’re thinking. This is not an elaborate YouTube skit. Cynic that I am, I braced myself when I clicked on the link. I’m not sure what even got me that far. Active procrastination probably. But, then, I was laughing out loud. DK, the lead, played by Keith, is pure superego, but in the deadpan mold of Louie CK. His tiny world’s constantly conspiring against him. Wary as he is, he still has the wherewithal to ask, “You want honey or lemon with that?

Photo courtesy Drum Kitty Productions

The Baseline Fitness Test

Before you jump into your New Year’s resolution, know where you stand.

By Todd Soura

Another January is upon us. Which means it must be time for a new you, too. Isn’t that the way it works? A fresh start, a hellish holiday hangover, regardless of your motivation, resetting (or beginning) a healthy lifestyle is never a bad thing. But taking on too much too soon all but guarantees that you’ll be right back here this time next year.

Neither of us wants to see that happen. So, before you do a single crunch, figure out exactly how fit you are. I’ve developed the following baseline test to gauge all the essentials: body fat, strength, balance and flexibility. By the time you finish, you’ll know how much work you have in front of you, and you’ll be able to scale your workouts accordingly.

Remember, the key to sustainability is consistency. A year from now, you can look back on your first workout and laugh because it means you stuck with it and improved steadily. Until then, one set at a time, one rep at a time.

  1. Body fat

I don’t like the body mass index, a standard measure of body fat based upon height and weight, because it fails to take into account muscle. A hip-to-waist ratio, by contrast, is not only easier to calculate, it’s more accurate.

Find a tape measure and wrap it around your waist (at your navel). Then do the same for your hips. Divide your waist measurement by your hip measurement. Anything below .9 in men and .8 in women is an indication of relatively good health.

  1. Body control

Lay on your back with your knees bent and your feet flat on the floor. Lean forward like you would with a sit-up—no hands—and drop your right leg, tuck it beneath the left. Then plant your left foot and rise to a standing position—again, no hands.

If you’re under 70, you should be able to do this fairly easily. If you can, it means your overall strength and body control are good and your brain’s saying all the right things to your muscles.

  1. Core strength

Assume the position of an old-school sit-up—flat on your back, hands tucked behind your head—only you’re going to straighten your legs rather than bend them. Slowly perform a sit-up. When you’re completely upright, you should look more like half a “C” than an “L.”

If you can do 10 of these, your hip-flexor, abdominal and lower-back strength is above average. If you can do 20, you’re ahead of most.

  1. Upper body strength

The push-up is one of the oldest exercises there is, and it’s still the truest test of upper body strength. Your hands should be just outside your shoulders, your body, stiff and straight. Lower your chest until it grazes the floor, then push straight back up to the starting position. Twenty is good for guys; 40 is excellent. For women, 10 is promising, 20 is top-notch.

  1. Flexibility

Sit on the floor with straight legs. Lean forward and touch your toes. The taller you are, the harder this is going to be. It should be a bit easier for women. They tend to be more flexible than guys. Either way, if you can touch them, good. If you can grab them, even better.

Todd Soura is the owner of the Doylestown-based Action Personal Training

 

The Purge After the Splurge

Organized Home

A guide to making room for the Christmas toys. (Theirs and yours.)

By Laurie Palau

If we’re not addicted to possessing the latest, most-hyped [insert the toy, device, home good or article of clothing here], then why do Black Friday sales now start in October? Let’s not pretend that Christmas isn’t a convenient excuse to lighten up in our daily struggle with restraint. As long as we give as good as we get, it’s not being greedy anyway.

But this isn’t about accumulating stuff. We’re not hoarders. Upgrading, by definition, means replacing. So, let’s launch a new Christmas tradition here and now. Once the tsunami of wrapping paper that is Christmas morning recedes, purge your household of all the unwanted things. With the excitement of getting new things (and the space and attention they’ll command), everyone, including the kids (especially the kids), should be willing to make a more honest evaluation of what’s important to them. (Hint: if there’s dust on it, it’s not. If it’s obsolete, it’s not.)

In fact, you may find that you and your family get a little (a lot) carried away. This, however, is a conscientious purge, not a scorched-earth purge. The goal is to keep as much as you can out of a landfill. Create four piles: Donations, Consignments, Recycling and, of course, Garbage. Think of the Garbage pile as a last resort. Here’s a brief guide to help you divvy up the rest.

 

Donate

Gently-used clothing, home goods and toys (donationtown.org)

Last-generation smartphones, tablets, gaming consoles and video games (getwellgamers.org)

Unabused stuffed animals (gftw.org)

 

Consign

High-end (still-fashionable) clothes (thredup.com)

Expensive handbags (rebagg.com)

 

Recycle

Board games and toys with missing pieces

Torn and/or stained clothing

TVs and tech over 10 years old